I Went Through the Fire For You
0 Comments Published by Devin on Sunday, February 12, 2006 at 9:56 PM.
Music: Foo Fighters - Headwires - There's Nothing Left to Lose
Mood: Clean
Sadly, it ended the same way it started. A quiet conversation in the basement, where the walls continued to echo Dark Side of the Moon and Hotel Costes. The lights dimmed to a glowing yellow, her eyes looking everywhere but into mine. I remember the static and friction, and blacking out. Words, for the first time, failed me. She asked the question for the third time, and once again I refused to comply, instead turning her devices back in her direction. Anything, and everything, to avoid the truth. I was seventeen, but who cares. Age is just a ficticious number, a crutch to explain why we're either brazen or beautiful.
When she left, I felt the twisted chill of freedom drip down my spine. The shivers persisted as I got dressed, made phone calls, put up an away message, and walked out of my dorm. How could something so sinister feel so enjoyable? The questions were restrained for the momentary bliss. A smile cracked my face, and I recall taking several deep breaths. Memories came flooding to the forefront while the slideshow ran through my mind. We were in class, her room, at lunch, in the car, New York, Cape Cod, Valentines Day...
If there's anything I regret, it's nothing having the courage to tell her how I truly felt. It's a mistake that perhaps cost me the greatest friendship of my life.
You transform yourself for someone else. That's what a relationship is. Not the facade of two mutual souls coming together in perfect harmony. It's a test to see how well you can suppress your demons for the benefit of seeing someone's smile in the morning. That's it. And when you run out of excuses, you're left with just one option; come clean. I don't blame her for harboring resentment, because I was an idiot in the way I handled things.
But I sometimes wish that I could go back and not make the mistake of sitting next to her at 8:15 on the first day of class, with Godwyn rambling about feminism, and the intoxicating scent of her perfume driving my senses wild.
Mood: Clean
Sadly, it ended the same way it started. A quiet conversation in the basement, where the walls continued to echo Dark Side of the Moon and Hotel Costes. The lights dimmed to a glowing yellow, her eyes looking everywhere but into mine. I remember the static and friction, and blacking out. Words, for the first time, failed me. She asked the question for the third time, and once again I refused to comply, instead turning her devices back in her direction. Anything, and everything, to avoid the truth. I was seventeen, but who cares. Age is just a ficticious number, a crutch to explain why we're either brazen or beautiful.
When she left, I felt the twisted chill of freedom drip down my spine. The shivers persisted as I got dressed, made phone calls, put up an away message, and walked out of my dorm. How could something so sinister feel so enjoyable? The questions were restrained for the momentary bliss. A smile cracked my face, and I recall taking several deep breaths. Memories came flooding to the forefront while the slideshow ran through my mind. We were in class, her room, at lunch, in the car, New York, Cape Cod, Valentines Day...
If there's anything I regret, it's nothing having the courage to tell her how I truly felt. It's a mistake that perhaps cost me the greatest friendship of my life.
You transform yourself for someone else. That's what a relationship is. Not the facade of two mutual souls coming together in perfect harmony. It's a test to see how well you can suppress your demons for the benefit of seeing someone's smile in the morning. That's it. And when you run out of excuses, you're left with just one option; come clean. I don't blame her for harboring resentment, because I was an idiot in the way I handled things.
But I sometimes wish that I could go back and not make the mistake of sitting next to her at 8:15 on the first day of class, with Godwyn rambling about feminism, and the intoxicating scent of her perfume driving my senses wild.
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