Music: The Beatles - Yesterday - Red Box (1962-1966)
Mood: Calm
The loss of a love and the pain of a broken relationship is an overload of projection. That's all it is. In your youth, your whole life is this wonderful dream that "This is It": this relationship is the fulfillment of my fantasy and I can't imagine life otherwise. No argument can quell this feeling of total projection, of everything in the other one. I guess we can all recall an episode of an adolescent relationship that seemed to be the all-in-all and then went to pieces for some reason.
When a relationship breaks off, it takes a person a little while to settle and find a new commitment. It's after the breakup, when there is no new commitment and life has bee divested of all its potentials, that this painful reaction takes place. For some people this is a dangerous period.
The psyche knows how to heal, but it hurts. Sometimes the healing hurts more than the initial injury, but if you can survive it, you'll be stronger, because you've found a larger base. Every commitment is a narrowing, and when that commitment fails, you have to get back to a larger base and have the strength to hold onto it.
Nietzsche was the one who did the job for me. At a certain moment in his life, the idea came to him of what he called "the love of your fate." Whatever your fate is, whatever the hell happens, you say, "This is what I need." It may look like a wreck, but go at it as though it were an opportunity, a challenge. If you bring love to that moment-not discouragement-you will find the strength is there. Any disaster you can survive is an improvement in you character, your stature, and your life. This is when the spontaneity of your own nature will have a chance to flow.
Then, when looking back at your life, you will see that the moments which seemed to be great failures followed by wreckage were the incidents that shaped the life you have now. You'll see that this is really true. Nothing can happen to you that is not positive. Even though it looks and feels at the moment like a negative crisis, it is not. The crisis throws you back, and when you are required to exhibit strength, it comes.
The dark night of the soul
comes just before revelation.
When everything is lost,
and all seems darkness,
then comes the new life
and all that is needed.
Mood: Calm
The loss of a love and the pain of a broken relationship is an overload of projection. That's all it is. In your youth, your whole life is this wonderful dream that "This is It": this relationship is the fulfillment of my fantasy and I can't imagine life otherwise. No argument can quell this feeling of total projection, of everything in the other one. I guess we can all recall an episode of an adolescent relationship that seemed to be the all-in-all and then went to pieces for some reason.
When a relationship breaks off, it takes a person a little while to settle and find a new commitment. It's after the breakup, when there is no new commitment and life has bee divested of all its potentials, that this painful reaction takes place. For some people this is a dangerous period.
The psyche knows how to heal, but it hurts. Sometimes the healing hurts more than the initial injury, but if you can survive it, you'll be stronger, because you've found a larger base. Every commitment is a narrowing, and when that commitment fails, you have to get back to a larger base and have the strength to hold onto it.
Nietzsche was the one who did the job for me. At a certain moment in his life, the idea came to him of what he called "the love of your fate." Whatever your fate is, whatever the hell happens, you say, "This is what I need." It may look like a wreck, but go at it as though it were an opportunity, a challenge. If you bring love to that moment-not discouragement-you will find the strength is there. Any disaster you can survive is an improvement in you character, your stature, and your life. This is when the spontaneity of your own nature will have a chance to flow.
Then, when looking back at your life, you will see that the moments which seemed to be great failures followed by wreckage were the incidents that shaped the life you have now. You'll see that this is really true. Nothing can happen to you that is not positive. Even though it looks and feels at the moment like a negative crisis, it is not. The crisis throws you back, and when you are required to exhibit strength, it comes.
The dark night of the soul
comes just before revelation.
When everything is lost,
and all seems darkness,
then comes the new life
and all that is needed.
Music: Incubus - Here in My Room - A Crow Left of the Murder
Mood: Awake
This has been one crazy week.
First...
I had lunch on Tuesday with my favorite teacher and mentor from High School, Jeff McConaghy. We talked about life, the philosophy of finding one's path, and how to go about searching for inspiration without avoiding living in the proverbial now. He recommended me a list of books which helped set him on his 'journey' when he was my age, and gave me some great advice. It was really an awesome experience to connect with someone who I had not seen for almost six years.
Then...
I went to Merrill Lynch this morning and officially inked my name on the dotted line. So yes, I am a card-carrying employee of the nations largest brokerage house. Which means, essentially, that my adolescent ambition of never working for the man and doing what makes me happy is a wash. On one hand, I get to do work that is both challenging and intellectually stimulating. On the other, I work for someone else, not so much myself.
Life is about sacrifices though, so I cannot complain in the slightest. When we're young or in College, we make it a point to try and be different from our peers, to stand out and fight against the grain. As you get older and change lenses, your perception of the world and your position drastically shifts from the ideal to the practical. The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are. I am still passionate about social issues, but I realize that we cannot cure the world of sorrows, but we can choose to live in joy. Because if you think about it, the world is perfect. It's a mess. It has always been a mess. We are not going to change it. Our job is to straighten out our own lives.
See, we have to be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come. If we fix on the old, we get stuck. When we hang onto any form, we are in danger of putrefaction. And before I get really preachy, I am going to leave you with my favorite quote of all time from Joseph Campbell, the father of the archetype:
Mood: Awake
This has been one crazy week.
First...
I had lunch on Tuesday with my favorite teacher and mentor from High School, Jeff McConaghy. We talked about life, the philosophy of finding one's path, and how to go about searching for inspiration without avoiding living in the proverbial now. He recommended me a list of books which helped set him on his 'journey' when he was my age, and gave me some great advice. It was really an awesome experience to connect with someone who I had not seen for almost six years.
Then...
I went to Merrill Lynch this morning and officially inked my name on the dotted line. So yes, I am a card-carrying employee of the nations largest brokerage house. Which means, essentially, that my adolescent ambition of never working for the man and doing what makes me happy is a wash. On one hand, I get to do work that is both challenging and intellectually stimulating. On the other, I work for someone else, not so much myself.
Life is about sacrifices though, so I cannot complain in the slightest. When we're young or in College, we make it a point to try and be different from our peers, to stand out and fight against the grain. As you get older and change lenses, your perception of the world and your position drastically shifts from the ideal to the practical. The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are. I am still passionate about social issues, but I realize that we cannot cure the world of sorrows, but we can choose to live in joy. Because if you think about it, the world is perfect. It's a mess. It has always been a mess. We are not going to change it. Our job is to straighten out our own lives.
See, we have to be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come. If we fix on the old, we get stuck. When we hang onto any form, we are in danger of putrefaction. And before I get really preachy, I am going to leave you with my favorite quote of all time from Joseph Campbell, the father of the archetype:
The goal of the hero's trip
down to the jewel point
is to find those levels in the psyche
that open, open, open,
and finally open to the mystery
of your Self being
Buddha consciousness
or the Christ
That's the journey.
It's all about finding
that still point in your mind
where commitment drops away.
down to the jewel point
is to find those levels in the psyche
that open, open, open,
and finally open to the mystery
of your Self being
Buddha consciousness
or the Christ
That's the journey.
It's all about finding
that still point in your mind
where commitment drops away.
Music: Led Zeppelin - No Quarter - The Very Best Of
Mood: Aquatic
Imagine getting in a car, driving through Friday-night traffic to West Hollywood, getting lost and asking for directions countless times, somehow carving your way to the Troubadour, thirty minutes late, pay for parking, cross the street, only to find out that the concert you were anticipating had been cancelled.
Bummer.
It's 11:43 PM and I have the sudden and intense urge to go swimming.
I'm reading a new book called How Soccer Explains The World [an unlikely theory of globalization], which was bestowed upon me by my consigliere George. So far it has yet to dissapoint.
In fifteen years, I predict that a fascist state will outlaw jeans as an "unrealistic and ridiculous symbol of personal independence that we just can't afford to propogate".
Really guys, three more years of George Bush. Are you serious?
I really can't stand girls that dress like gypsies. For more information on the subject, visit gofugyourself.typepad.com
Still waiting on that Eurythmics album. Or at least a tribute band, whichever comes first, I'm not picky.
Chuck Klosterman needs to write a new book.
Bill Simmons needs to write a new book.
You would think that graduating would be cause enough for celebration. But, truth be told, that's just not the case. Even though you're academic career is over, you're still technically on the job. See, while everyone you know is out getting plastered and physically exhibiting the symptoms of jubilation from the hours of 8 PM to 4 AM, they're spending the hours of 9 AM to 5 PM working the phones, interviewing, and whoring themselves out to the largest companies on the block, trying desperately not to be the last one of their friends to find a job. You'd hate yourself to be the only one of your peers to be unemployed three months after leaving school.
I will go to Merill Lynch on Monday and officially sign the offer sheet. I feel like an unrestricted free agent who managed to find a mid-level exception on a championship contender just before the trade deadline expires. In essence, I'm Brent Barry, minus those hellacious pork-chop sideburns.
I own a Paul Weed Smith.
You never can tell what the person sitting next to you is thinking, so it's best to ask rather than pretend to know.
Lucky Number Slevin and Brick are the best movies of 2006, and I haven't seen either.
Add A Scanner Darkly to the above list on both counts.
Midnight. Midnight. Midnight. Midnight. Midnight. Midnight. Midnight.
Mood: Aquatic
Imagine getting in a car, driving through Friday-night traffic to West Hollywood, getting lost and asking for directions countless times, somehow carving your way to the Troubadour, thirty minutes late, pay for parking, cross the street, only to find out that the concert you were anticipating had been cancelled.
Bummer.
It's 11:43 PM and I have the sudden and intense urge to go swimming.
I'm reading a new book called How Soccer Explains The World [an unlikely theory of globalization], which was bestowed upon me by my consigliere George. So far it has yet to dissapoint.
In fifteen years, I predict that a fascist state will outlaw jeans as an "unrealistic and ridiculous symbol of personal independence that we just can't afford to propogate".
Really guys, three more years of George Bush. Are you serious?
I really can't stand girls that dress like gypsies. For more information on the subject, visit gofugyourself.typepad.com
Still waiting on that Eurythmics album. Or at least a tribute band, whichever comes first, I'm not picky.
Chuck Klosterman needs to write a new book.
Bill Simmons needs to write a new book.
You would think that graduating would be cause enough for celebration. But, truth be told, that's just not the case. Even though you're academic career is over, you're still technically on the job. See, while everyone you know is out getting plastered and physically exhibiting the symptoms of jubilation from the hours of 8 PM to 4 AM, they're spending the hours of 9 AM to 5 PM working the phones, interviewing, and whoring themselves out to the largest companies on the block, trying desperately not to be the last one of their friends to find a job. You'd hate yourself to be the only one of your peers to be unemployed three months after leaving school.
I will go to Merill Lynch on Monday and officially sign the offer sheet. I feel like an unrestricted free agent who managed to find a mid-level exception on a championship contender just before the trade deadline expires. In essence, I'm Brent Barry, minus those hellacious pork-chop sideburns.
I own a Paul Weed Smith.
You never can tell what the person sitting next to you is thinking, so it's best to ask rather than pretend to know.
Lucky Number Slevin and Brick are the best movies of 2006, and I haven't seen either.
Add A Scanner Darkly to the above list on both counts.
Midnight. Midnight. Midnight. Midnight. Midnight. Midnight. Midnight.
Music: Band of Horses - Monsters - Everything All the Time
Mood: D'accord
Well, I have my second interview with Merill Lynch tomorrow. AIG called today and offered me the financial analyst position, but I told them I need more time to understand what's going to happen with ML before I can make a final decision.
It's a strange feeling to watch your life take shape in such a short period of time. Three weeks ago, I had no clue where I would fit in, what industry I would be qualified for, and what I wanted to do. But here I am, on the cusp of starting my first full-time paying gig, and honestly a bit scared.
Working is far different from being a college student, where you have your books, notes, friends, and in a sense "youth" to fall back on. If in doubt in college, you can blow off responsibility until graduation, and say to yourself, "well I don't need to worry about where I go after this, I just need to do the now and let the later take care of itself".
But it's a vastly different landscape when you graduate, equipped with a degree in finance, and totally lost as to your greater purpose. So you sell yourself to the biggest company with the largest resources, cut a weekly paycheck, stock up cash in your bank account, drive the nice car, meet the beautiful girls, get involved in some medium-sized deals, work your ass off until you can't breathe, somehow get promoted, boost your annual income, and then, realize that you never wanted any of this.
Still, I can't get to cynical. I am thrilled with the prospect of working for ML just because of the job responsibilities, which entail taking financials and doing analysis and projections, right up my alley. So I suppose all I can really do is wait and see how the final act plays out and take it from there.
Cheers.
Mood: D'accord
Well, I have my second interview with Merill Lynch tomorrow. AIG called today and offered me the financial analyst position, but I told them I need more time to understand what's going to happen with ML before I can make a final decision.
It's a strange feeling to watch your life take shape in such a short period of time. Three weeks ago, I had no clue where I would fit in, what industry I would be qualified for, and what I wanted to do. But here I am, on the cusp of starting my first full-time paying gig, and honestly a bit scared.
Working is far different from being a college student, where you have your books, notes, friends, and in a sense "youth" to fall back on. If in doubt in college, you can blow off responsibility until graduation, and say to yourself, "well I don't need to worry about where I go after this, I just need to do the now and let the later take care of itself".
But it's a vastly different landscape when you graduate, equipped with a degree in finance, and totally lost as to your greater purpose. So you sell yourself to the biggest company with the largest resources, cut a weekly paycheck, stock up cash in your bank account, drive the nice car, meet the beautiful girls, get involved in some medium-sized deals, work your ass off until you can't breathe, somehow get promoted, boost your annual income, and then, realize that you never wanted any of this.
Still, I can't get to cynical. I am thrilled with the prospect of working for ML just because of the job responsibilities, which entail taking financials and doing analysis and projections, right up my alley. So I suppose all I can really do is wait and see how the final act plays out and take it from there.
Cheers.
Music: Red Hot Chili Peppers - Charlie - Stadium Arcadium
Mood: Sleepy
http://www.brickmovie.net/
Noir at it's finest.
Mood: Sleepy
http://www.brickmovie.net/
Noir at it's finest.
Music: Red Hot Chili Peppers - 21st Century - Stadium Arcadium
Mood: Fresh
I'm in love with the new Red Hot Chili Peppers album. There are so many good tracks to choose from, but in particular, songs like Desecration Smile, Readymade, She's Only 18, and 21st Century are sonic achievements that overwhelm my senses. John, Flea, Anthony, and Chad have elevated their respective skills to new heights, and it's clearly visible throughout. There's touches of Californication, Mother's Milk, What Hits, and By the Way all over this album, giving even the casual fan something to enjoy.
Mood: Fresh
I'm in love with the new Red Hot Chili Peppers album. There are so many good tracks to choose from, but in particular, songs like Desecration Smile, Readymade, She's Only 18, and 21st Century are sonic achievements that overwhelm my senses. John, Flea, Anthony, and Chad have elevated their respective skills to new heights, and it's clearly visible throughout. There's touches of Californication, Mother's Milk, What Hits, and By the Way all over this album, giving even the casual fan something to enjoy.
